life

Ugh.

I consider myself to be a very positive, bubbly person. Most of the time, I am happy and I mean that. I love to smile and I like to think that people enjoy being around me…

Sept 15 2014 127

being positive is a  great quality… but what you don’t know is, deep down I’m internalizing EVERYTHING. Things can get quite dark and dreary, but I tend to put on my happy face. I usually go days/weeks feeling great, just letting things go, until I burst.  Last night I had one of those nights where I just could not stop crying.

and it actually felt so good… 

I just have a lot going on right now and I just feel, well, Ugh.

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Here’s what’s on my mind…

… the asthma diagnosis let me down last week.

… my father-in-law had emergency brain surgery last weekend. he’s doing fine, and is in rehab, but it was very scary.. he fell off a ladder and had some brain bleeds.

… all of a sudden my confidence for running boston is dwindling…  the decision ‘to run or not to run’ is a cloud over my head. I have one more long run to go and I will take it from there. My body isn’t feeling 21 miles this weekend, so coach moved it to next weekend… my legs need a little break this week and I’m listening to them. I’ve been training hard and I don’t want to take any chances.

… I’m in the middle of a career change. I’m super excited, but I’m scared! Let’s be honest, starting a new job feels like the first day of school. Next week ends my time (hopefully for good) in a cubicle.  I start in two weeks at a start up company, in a role I’ve never been in before.  Change is good but scary at the same time!

… it’s been cold, wet and gloomy in Boston.  This week it was in the 30’s-40’s with NO sign of it warming up anytime soon.  Honestly, why do I live here? I guess we are in this ‘pattern’ and the meterologists claim we had kind of bad winter that lingers.. GREAT. Good thing for Vitamin D supplements.

all of the above is causing me to feel very stressed and down lately.

Sorry for all of the complaining, but I have to be real, this is who I am. I can’t sit here and pretend life is perfect all the time:)

thanks for listening! Please send you virtual hugs my way.

xo

Kristin

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11 Comments

  • Reply M @readeatwriterun March 27, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    No apology. You’re not complaining, you’re venting.

    Sending you lots of virtual hugs. (and extra one for FIL, scary, glad he’s ok) Give your husband an extra hug, pass it along….oh, and one for Oliver because I love dogs and an extra for being a Westie like my in-laws have.

    Congrats on new job! Yes, even positive change is a stressor. But you can handle it! In 3 months, you’ll be so happy you made the change.

    My vent – aka, I sort of know kinda where you might be coming from….ish

    I’m having a tough time myself lately, training hasn’t been what I wanted (not hitting paces, wiped, letting it get to me), life happened (my Dad died early Feb, house problems, other misc issues) and I don’t really know how my first Boston – a dream so many years in the making – is going to go. I don’t think it’ll be the PR and time that I’d wanted (but that was likely never going to happen the first time, and with my training specifics and life stuff right now). And it’s going to be 60 and maybe rain?! (no no no) Hard to let go though.

    We can get through this together. 🙂

    I’m trying to get my head in the game. Boston – I’m told – is an amazing experience, and it’s an honor to be able to toe the start line, having earned that privilege and been given the gift of enough health to do so. I want to embrace that honor and privilege – as Bart Yasso says “take no finish line for granted” (I also say “take no start line for granted”!) Getting there healthy and reasonably trained and as less-stressed as possible is a goal I’m trying to achieve. I want to do my best on the day and take joy in achieving a dream!

    Hang in there….get in touch if you want. My best to you!

  • Reply Leslie @ Triathlete Treats March 28, 2015 at 4:32 am

    Lots of hugs to you!!
    Positive vibes to your father-in-law!!
    If Boston is stressing you out…don’t do it!!!
    Good luck with the new job! I am sure it will be great! I am starting a new job on Monday. I am nervous too but excited for a new adventure and opportunity!! 🙂

  • Reply Kecia March 28, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    There is no need to apologize! We all have times of struggle in our lives and no one is happy 100% of the time. Lots of hugs and positive energy your way!! I hope your father-in-law comes out on top of the world and I know you will too 🙂

  • Reply Hailey March 28, 2015 at 7:46 pm

    Don’t be sorry, you’re human. And you do seem to like a fun person to be around! It’s okay to just let it all out sometimes 🙂 I hope your father-in-law has a successful rehab process. The job thing is crazy stressful. Change is hard even if it’s what you want. And your running has been amazing lately, so if you give yourself a break this week and get after that long run next week, you’ll be more than ready, and if you decide not to do the marathon, you will have still gotten in some great training for your Ironman :). Sending some hugs your way! Take some time to just feel how you want to feel this weekend. I know you’ll get through everything, you’re tough! 🙂

  • Reply Cassie @ Rural Running Redhead March 29, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    Sometimes life isn’t all rainbows and flowers. It’s okay to feel down and not pretend to not be. Sorry so many stressful things are happening all at once.

  • Reply Desiree March 29, 2015 at 3:31 pm

    You are REAL and that’s what inspires us. We all have times like this. My SIL had a massive brain bleed out of nowhere 2 years ago. Thankfully she is alive and well today. Scary though. As for the new job you will do so with it. It sounds right up your alley. Just take one day at a time. Now for Boston, well you still have some time to decide. Honestly the half I did last weekend, I knew my training wasn’t where it needed to be. Just finished up 8 weeks of PT. It wasn’t my “A” race. So I used it as a training run with crowd support along the way. I wanted at least a sub 2:00 and I did a 1:58 (my PR is a 1:44) so I felt I ran a smart training run. Yes the competetive drive in me is to “race” against myself of course, but I’m glad I made myself slow down and enjoy the race this time. Either way I know you will listen to your body and do what your heart says. We have sun in GA today but the chilly weather returned. Oh and I bought some Hoka Cliftons. Taking them out for a test run today.

  • Reply Megan March 30, 2015 at 1:03 am

    You don’t always see the ugly times in life’s photo album but those are the moments that get you from one happy snap-shot to the next! Thinking of you girly. Your time is coming:) Hang in there!

  • Reply Phaedra @ Blisters and Black Toenails March 30, 2015 at 7:41 pm

    Ahhh, I totally feel your pain and I’m sending you a big virtual hug! This weather is killing me. For the first time in a LONG time I’m really glad I don’t have any BIG spring races planned because getting out there to train is NOT EASY. Re; the new job – change is stressful but it’s almost always for the best. This new job will offer you all sorts of new challenges and that’s what keeps life interesting, right? 😀

  • Reply Kristen @ Glitter and Dust April 1, 2015 at 3:48 pm

    I am so sorry to hear about your father-in-law. That is really scary and I hope everything continues to be ok. Medical crisis are never easy. As for Boston, I know it can be difficult to figure out what the right move is for you. You have to go with your gut and do what is best for your “A” race. If you are not sure about Boston I would either, 1) run it, but don’t necessarily race it as you normally would, or 2) don’t risk it, especially if you are not 100% committed. You are smart – you’ll know what to do.

    Hoping the weather in Boston starts showing signs of spring soon. The sun and Vitamin D definitely works miracles on mood. You are always allowed to vent and complain on your blog 🙂 We all like seeing the different sides to you.

  • Reply Sara @ lifebetweenthemiles April 2, 2015 at 12:17 am

    It’s okay to let it out sometimes Kristin, it actually can be super therapeutic. You have a lot going on now and stress and your reaction are normal. Allow yourself to feel however you feel and then you will move on! You’ve got this my friend, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for! Hugs!

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