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All of my friends are having babies and I’m over here like, “When is my next Triathlon?”

The story of my life lately.

This statement couldn’t be more accurate. Everywhere I look, Facebook, Instagram, my office, some of the blogs I follow… everyone is having a baby. Or at least it seems that way. I can’t help but feel like there are babies all around me. Every day I feel like someone else is pregnant and I’m not going to lie, it’s starting to make me nervous/anxious about where my life is heading (and gasp when I might have a baby).

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I have never been a woman that craves having a baby. I don’t really like kids (at least other people’s kids, sorry I’m just being honest… I prefer puppies). I have also never really thought of myself as very motherly or having ‘that instinct.’ To be honest, I can be quite selfish and I don’t know if I am ready to be unselfish. I like my free time and the ability to train and race whenever I want. I know the reality is, all of this will change when and if I have a baby someday (at least in the beginning) and this really, really scares me.

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For most of my twenties, I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids at all. I think now that I’m thirty, that mindset is changing a little bit and I am starting to feel like I want to start a family with my husband. I just don’t know when. This year I will be racing in my very first Ironman Triathlon and I have a sneaky suspicion that this won’t be my first 140.6 race. I have been waiting for years to race at this level and I’m finally here, where I want to be. I am finally starting to accept my body for its athletic grace and I feel strong and fast! I have also had lots of success as an age-group triathlete and I like to think that maybe someday I will reach my dream of becoming an Elite Triathlete. I just started working with a coach as of 2013, and I feel like there is so much potential! I am at a crossroad and my biological clock is ticking as I write this post.

The questions I have been asking myself lately are, do we try to have a baby within a year, and then I can bounce back at a young age and still race? Or do I get racing done now and wait to have a baby for another 2-3 years? I know I am not a pro-triathlete, but I take racing seriously and I really do love it and the training. It’s just a matter of knowing when I want to take a break. Part of me thinks this might be after my first Ironman in August, but I am not sure.  To wait or not to wait is constantly crossing my mind.

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Deep in my heart and soul, I know I will always be an athlete. If we have children, I want to be that mom someday who inspires her children to be fit and healthy. I want to set an example for other’s that you can be a mom and a triathlete/runner. I will never lose my competitive edge and I guess that’s what makes me think this whole being a mom-athlete thing is a possibility. I’m just honestly really scared for the change.

As for now, all of my friends will keep talking about being pregnant and having babies and I will continue to rock my triathlons:)

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17 Comments

  • Reply Abby April 30, 2014 at 3:21 am

    We are SO at that age! When I think about having kids I get the same fear- that I won’t be able to train like I do now, race, even hike as often! Then I tell myself that if/when we do have kids, we’ll be disappointed we didn’t do it sooner!
    I say have fun racing and training and rocking, and when the time is right you’ll know!

    • Reply Kristin May 1, 2014 at 8:19 pm

      Thanks for your feedback, glad you have experienced these thoughts too:) I worry about the hiking too! My hubby and I love to hike with our dog… I have heard from so many people that say they stopped hiking when they had kids.. I know this will have to be the case for a little while, but then I think we’ll be able to hike with our kids! I know I have to learn to be less selfish (if we have kids) but I don’t want to stop doing the things that I love!

  • Reply Nicole April 30, 2014 at 4:16 am

    I totally hear you on this! I just turned 30 and everywhereI look there rare BABIES!! I’m at the point where I’m going to just have one (not this year though) and continue to train. It’s worth the sacrifice to me personally and I know that since my husband and I are both so active that we will continue to make it a priority. Plus I’ve heard the pain of childbirth makes you better at dealing with the pain of a marathon….hahah. 😉

    • Reply Kristin May 1, 2014 at 8:15 pm

      OMG everywhere, right?!? I think being athletes, we are fully capable of training while pregnant (within out means of course). I also think it will be worth the sacrifice and if you make being active a priority (like you said), it will be just fine! Ha yes I have heard that about childbirth as well… helps me to look on the bright side:)

  • Reply Louise@FitRadiance April 30, 2014 at 9:42 am

    Pretty much all my friends now have babies, and I’m just not interested in them…at all! Haha. My family and people I know are constantly asking when it will be my turn, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want. I’m definitely more an animal person 😛 Now that I’ll soon be in my late 20’s, I am starting to think about it a bit more, and it’s a scary thought! I think you’ll know if/when the time is right. You still have a good few years to decide yet! Until then, follow your dreams i say 🙂

    • Reply Kristin May 1, 2014 at 8:13 pm

      Doesn’t this drive you crazy? LOL People ask me that too… but having some races this summer has helped me dodge that question:) Love that you are an animal person too! I much rather get a puppy! I like to think I still have some time to mull this over… thank you for your feedback, makes me feel better!

  • Reply Kristen @ Glitter and Dust April 30, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Oh my gosh, did you write this or did I??? I seriously wish we could grab a coffee, go on a walk, and discuss everything you mentioned here. I am constantly feeling torn about this subject because I have never really felt that maternal instinct, I’m an only child and have never been around kids, I’m super independent and love my time, and I have so many goals and things I want to do before starting a family. Part of me really wishes I would have discovered triathlon much earlier in my life, because like you, I am now at the point where I am getting the itch to do an Ironman (it will happen). I’m just really glad that you and others out there understand these dilemmas and are willing to open up and share.

    • Reply Kristin May 1, 2014 at 4:12 pm

      I feel like we are the same person, LOL. I also wish we could go for a walk or run and chat about this stuff! Maybe when I move to Bend some day (I can dream!) I also wish I had discovered triathlon earlier in life, it frustrates me that I didn’t, but we can’t go back in time, right? I see a lot of my friends who are super maternal, and I just don’t get it… some of these women crave just holding a baby (not me, sorry, ha!) I also can’t stand things such a baby showers and people going goo goo ga ga over baby clothes, diaper bags etc… ahh! I could go on and on about this. So glad you and the other readers understand me!

  • Reply Sara @ Running Around The Charles April 30, 2014 at 4:45 pm

    Ha-ha I was going to respond we need to go get drinks or coffee but then was afraid I was going to sound like a creeper. I 100% there with you. I have never been that type growing up with that feeling of wanting to be a mother. I also am not a fan of babies ha-ha but like you said. I love my life right now…. I love everything about it! Running, my free time, watching the Bruins out at a sports bar (go Bs!) and its hard to picture my life without that kind of stuff. Not being able to get up in the AM and go for a run, or not being able to go to my favorite watering hole and watch the game. I actually kind of think its not for me…. maybe that will change someday! You just gotta do whats best for you! 🙂

    • Reply Kristin May 1, 2014 at 3:45 pm

      ha ha love it, you aren’t a creeper! It’s nice to find someone else who is on the same page! I am not a fan of babies… and I thought by getting a little older, this would change, and it really hasn’t. I also really like my free time and like you said, being able to wake up and go for a run whenever I want. The whole thought of having a baby is starting to change a little for me… but I’m still not quite there yet!

  • Reply Elziabeth May 1, 2014 at 1:26 pm

    I can totally relate to your view on babies! And it’s amazing how many women feel that this but it’s sort of taboo to talk about. Maybe it’s sort of like getting married—when the timing is right, you’ll know. Until then, enjoy the journey! 🙂

    • Reply Kristin May 1, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      I’m glad you can relate! I know, it always seems taboo to talk about it, which can get frustrating at times. I figured I would just come right out with it on the blog, LOL, since no one in my personal life understands! Great analogy about getting married, never thought about it that way.. something to think about:)

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  • Reply Bryanna May 2, 2014 at 4:38 pm

    I know the feeling completely!! My husband and I didn’t want to have kids for years after marriage. One we wanted the freedom to do whatever we wanted to go where ever we wanted. I wanted to chase my dreams of the olympic trials in the marathon. A baby wasn’t going to help those endeavors. Now that I am pregnant that’s not much I can do. But I think the younger you have kids the easier it is to bounce back. Being young helps. At least that’s what I am trying to convince myself of. There is one women who is minutes from the olympic trail time, and she has 3 kids. It wasn’t until after kids she starting PR’ing and getting closer to her goal. Ms. Fit Runner is her blog. She just did boston in like 2;40 something. Simply amazing. It’s a scary thought and for me I am learning to make the adjustments.

    • Reply Kristin May 5, 2014 at 8:45 pm

      This makes me feel so much better, hearing it from you first hand. I love how you have a positive outlook on the whole pregnancy thing, even though it was a surprise to you. I also think the younger you are having kids, you are likely to bounce bounce back faster. Also, being active while pregnant helps on so many levels! I am going to bookmark Ms. Fit Runner’s blog, thanks for letting me know! That’s amazingly fast! Nice to know that you can still compete at that level with kiddos:) You will be a rockstar runner mom!

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