The story of my life lately.
This statement couldn’t be more accurate. Everywhere I look, Facebook, Instagram, my office, some of the blogs I follow… everyone is having a baby. Or at least it seems that way. I can’t help but feel like there are babies all around me. Every day I feel like someone else is pregnant and I’m not going to lie, it’s starting to make me nervous/anxious about where my life is heading (and gasp when I might have a baby).
I have never been a woman that craves having a baby. I don’t really like kids (at least other people’s kids, sorry I’m just being honest… I prefer puppies). I have also never really thought of myself as very motherly or having ‘that instinct.’ To be honest, I can be quite selfish and I don’t know if I am ready to be unselfish. I like my free time and the ability to train and race whenever I want. I know the reality is, all of this will change when and if I have a baby someday (at least in the beginning) and this really, really scares me.
For most of my twenties, I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids at all. I think now that I’m thirty, that mindset is changing a little bit and I am starting to feel like I want to start a family with my husband. I just don’t know when. This year I will be racing in my very first Ironman Triathlon and I have a sneaky suspicion that this won’t be my first 140.6 race. I have been waiting for years to race at this level and I’m finally here, where I want to be. I am finally starting to accept my body for its athletic grace and I feel strong and fast! I have also had lots of success as an age-group triathlete and I like to think that maybe someday I will reach my dream of becoming an Elite Triathlete. I just started working with a coach as of 2013, and I feel like there is so much potential! I am at a crossroad and my biological clock is ticking as I write this post.
The questions I have been asking myself lately are, do we try to have a baby within a year, and then I can bounce back at a young age and still race? Or do I get racing done now and wait to have a baby for another 2-3 years? I know I am not a pro-triathlete, but I take racing seriously and I really do love it and the training. It’s just a matter of knowing when I want to take a break. Part of me thinks this might be after my first Ironman in August, but I am not sure. To wait or not to wait is constantly crossing my mind.
Deep in my heart and soul, I know I will always be an athlete. If we have children, I want to be that mom someday who inspires her children to be fit and healthy. I want to set an example for other’s that you can be a mom and a triathlete/runner. I will never lose my competitive edge and I guess that’s what makes me think this whole being a mom-athlete thing is a possibility. I’m just honestly really scared for the change.
As for now, all of my friends will keep talking about being pregnant and having babies and I will continue to rock my triathlons:)